Let me tell you, if you've been to Poland, you haven't experienced anything until you've been to the post office. You go in and there's a queue about 50 people long, the majority of whom are over 60, they all stare at you as you enter, and if anybody else comes in and has a conversation with somebody already in the queue they all stare. I'm not sure whether they are being nosey and listening to the conversation or just making sure that the new person isn't thinking of pushing in, but anyway they certainly know how to stare. So, you queue for about 30 minutes while the 2 people who are working take their time and ensure that everybody is attended to thoroughly (and one of them disappears for a while probably to help a customer that's gone round the back way or make themselves a well-deserved cup of tea). They don't rush, they just go at a steady pace... and nobody complains or argues or tuts or anything, they just stare at each other. I kept my head down and stared at the floor.

Meanwhile, the weekend has seen me trying out my 'Polish' on the unsuspecting crowds in the local disreputable bar; the same one that I always go to. I was mistaken for a Polish person and a bloke started speaking to me in English as a joke, only to discover, to his great embarrassment that I was actually from Britain! Oh, how we laughed! I saw one of my zombies in the disreputable bar, he wasn't so zombie-fied which may have something to do with the beer, but it was nice to know that it's not a constant ailment that he suffers from and that he has some form of medicine for it. Being the British person can have one of two responses from people, they either shy away from me in fear because they think they will have to speak English, or they delight in talking to me and practising their English. I am either loved or hated, I'm like marmite!

And I've officially boycotted the BBC World channel. Please join me in saying 'NO!' to documentaries about deaf violin players and blind ice skaters (please, c'mon, scraping the barrel!) and poor substitute film review programmes (where's Jonathan Ross? Instead we get some ponce who talks with big words and reviews 'cultural' films).