I turn on the television to find out what's happening in the real world..... I discover that the big brother house is filled with cretins, which for some reason, the news presenter seems to find very surprising, raising her tone on every second word. Is it really news or surprising that Jade Goody is vile? The BBC World channel is screening a climate change special, informing me that the future of the world's survival is in my hands, and that if I don't become a conscious traveller then the end will be even more nigh than it already is because every time I fly I am contributing to the earth's destruction. This is swiftly followed by an advert for 'Beautiful India'. And just exactly how am I supposed to get there? I am also told that eating my lunch away from my desk is good for my brain and encourages weight loss... My issues with the BBC get bigger every time I switch it on. Well, at least it gives me someone to talk to, or shout at.

Anyway, back in the surreality of my world, I have been trying to work as much as possible to avoid spending time staring at the ceiling thinking about nothing and everything. This weekend is going to be another fun-packed adventure. On Friday there is a trip to the bowling alley and on Saturday I have to go shopping for a pair of golden shoes. Be sure to tune in next week for a detailed account of both events. Take care kids.