... the quest for the golden shoes continues, and time is running out. Still, it's good to have a mission; a purpose so to speak. It makes me feel like life is worth living. Added to the pressure of finding shoes is the stress of doing it in a foreign language; however, I did actually purchase a pair of shoes in Siberia and the amount of communication in that transaction was minimal. They just seemed to be happy taking my roubles. So, if I can do it in Russia I can do it here, where the good folks speak English.

Snow has befallen our little town, creating a Chrismassy effect, what with the decorations still being up and all. What is it with these other countries that don't take down their Christmas decorations? Don't they know it's bad luck? So, every day when I walk past the nativity scene in the town square with the snow as a backdrop I have to check my dates, and remind myself that it's nearly February.

It's a time for other kinds of celebrations this week, practically everybody I work with and their boyfriends/girlfriends/friends/relatives are celebrating birthdays. So we raise a glass of vodka for each one, and needless to say, we get a bit tipsy! As a veteran drinker in vodka loving countries I know now how to manage to keep up without passing out/throwing up/getting into a fight and the method is this (learn from me kids, I did it the hard way) – don't drink every time they do, but do one shot for every three that they do. Even when they command in a harsh Eastern European accent 'Drrrink!', don't be intimidated into obeying this order, otherwise you'll have no recollection of anything. If you find this difficult, and the clear white stuff is tempting you to pick it up and just have done with it, just remind yourself of this: It's poison, it's poison, it's poison.....

Anyway, there's no great adventure lurking behind the corner of my weekend, but you never know what might jump out and surprise you. Maybe Morrissey will announce a tour of Poland, or perhaps I'll discover a shoe shop that sells golden shoes, or, just imagine if another popular 90's indie band reforms....wouldn't that be amazing!

Feels like I've been to every single disco all around, another night another town, it's time to burn this disco down....

And so speaks the wisdom of Rick Witter, a modern day philosopher/poet/prophet often overlooked by bright young upstarts like the Arctic Monkeys (pants!).... BUT, the spirit of the Sheds lives on in my heart at least! On Friday night I experienced the Polish version of 42nd Street (ie: a grotty student nightclub). Ok, so the music was more System of a Down than The Stone Roses, and there didn't seem to be any cheap deals on bottles of Stella, in fact there was no Stella at all. But, just like in 42nd Street, people were there to dance like fools to the music and drink beer till they could drink no more. I was obliged to stand at the sidelines and remain a mere observer of the merriment as my rule is, never dance to heavy metal, nu metal, or any other type of music that ends in 'metal' unless I'm in the Ritz (even grottier student nightclub) on a Monday night. Anything else would be a betrayal to my roots!

Prior to the disco, we had been bowling, where I came last out of 12, which is an achievement I think. I put my poor performance down to lack of practise and my belief that the alleys must be different here in Poland to how they are in Great Britannia. Anyhow, it was an adventure, y'know getting out of one town to visit another town.

As for my other adventure, the quest to find a pair of golden shoes, so far I have been unsuccessful. Do you think it's acceptable to wear Converse to a wedding, even if you're a bridesmaid? I have one more week to complete my mission. Or should that be, Mission: Impossible?

In the latest weather news, well, I turned on BBC World the day after the power cut and heavy rain storm to be informed that bad weather was on it's way to Poland! By that time all was calm and blue skies prevailed....Thanks BBC World, you're the best!

Hey something exciting happened! As I was putting the finishing touches to chapter one of my horror story, the lights went out and the whole town was cut off. As I sat in the darkness, the only form of light being the dim glare from my laptop and the random flashes of lightning, I thought I saw a zombified teenager lurking behind my wardrobe! So, as only an artist can, I included this mishap into Chapter 1. Using the darkness as a metaphor for our hero's loneliness and the tricks of the light as his paranoia, it was just what chapter 1 had been missing! I think this will definitely be my ticket out of Poland once the film offers come rolling in.

Music news out here in Poland is:Daily helpings of Rod Stewart, Elton John and Katie Mululaha continue.... wouldn't be SO bad if the choice of song was altered occasionally. You know Bill Murray in Groundhog Day and the song by Sonny and Cher? Yeah, well, that's how I feel. The music they constantly play, it says nothing to me about my life...

I turn on the television to find out what's happening in the real world..... I discover that the big brother house is filled with cretins, which for some reason, the news presenter seems to find very surprising, raising her tone on every second word. Is it really news or surprising that Jade Goody is vile? The BBC World channel is screening a climate change special, informing me that the future of the world's survival is in my hands, and that if I don't become a conscious traveller then the end will be even more nigh than it already is because every time I fly I am contributing to the earth's destruction. This is swiftly followed by an advert for 'Beautiful India'. And just exactly how am I supposed to get there? I am also told that eating my lunch away from my desk is good for my brain and encourages weight loss... My issues with the BBC get bigger every time I switch it on. Well, at least it gives me someone to talk to, or shout at.

Anyway, back in the surreality of my world, I have been trying to work as much as possible to avoid spending time staring at the ceiling thinking about nothing and everything. This weekend is going to be another fun-packed adventure. On Friday there is a trip to the bowling alley and on Saturday I have to go shopping for a pair of golden shoes. Be sure to tune in next week for a detailed account of both events. Take care kids.

Well folks, I have to say that I'm missing old England. It's been a year now since I set off totally unprepared for my adventure in Siberia and here I am now, in Poland, still attempting to become worldly-wise. And failing!

When you spend only a small proportion of your time working, and then add to that small proportion a bit extra for studying Polish and Russian, life becomes a bit too centred around You! Or, me, in my case. I have what they call 'time to kill'.

Any suggestions as to what I could do to occupy my time for the next 6 months would be greatly appreciated. I've attempted to write a horror story about a teacher in a foreign place who doesn't understand anything that's going on around them and discovers that the students are all zombies..... I've read lots and lots, I've travelled to Krakow which was no fun on my own..... I've watched Scrubs, Twin Peaks, Spaced (both series), Quantum Leap and Northern Exposure....

I always thought that the isolation and strangeness of living in Siberia would be more challenging than it was, this living in Poland malarkey seems to be more of a struggle. When life is so normal, it's harder to get by without the home comforts of family and friends. So, that's today's lesson kids. If you are thinking of leaving, go somewhere a bit bizarre, and not just a normal mundane town, and take a dvd player with you.

Meanwhile, in the weather news, it's sunny, the sky is actually blue for a change, and there's still no snow.

Me and the American have been keeping a Neighbour Watch. You see, there's three flats in the building where we live, obviously we occupy two of them, and we know we have a neighbour because we hear him and he gets mail (not that we look!). The thing is, we hardly ever see him, so now it's become a game. I'm winning 2-0 because I've had two sightings.

You see, too much time!

Ok fact -lovers, here's a good one for you! Here in Mikolow we're having the warmest January in over 100 years. Usually the winter here sees the little streets covered in a cloak of white crispy snow, but no, not this year! No snow, no frost even. Which is funny because last year I arrived in Siberia to the coldest winter in over 100 years!

So, weather report over, let's talk about something more interesting......um, well, er. I don't have any news I'm afraid. The year of the pig has begun very slowly, and there is no scandal to report or exciting anecdote to tell. I may have to resort to my old pack of stinking lies to make this here blog a bit more exciting. I can't even rant about the disgraceful BBC World because now I have a dvd player so have not even turned on my television since I've been back.

I have been occupying my vast amount of free time with playing Spider Solitaire (I'm NOT addicted) and trying to reacquaint myself with the impossibilities of the Polish language. No matter how many new words I learn, the only thing I ever have to say in reality is 'I don't understand, I'm English! I speak Polish not good' to which people respond very well, usually by walking away or talking to someone else instead. Result!

So, here we are in 2007...... the year of the pig, apparently... whatever.

On Friday I went to the cinema to see Casino Cheeese, I mean, Royale. It was in English unfortunately which meant I could understand everything. You see, when you go to the cinema in Poland they show the English language films in English with Polish subtitles, it's only when they go onto television that some dude dubs over the voices. That's why Polish people are good at English!

After the cinema I went to the local bar where I integrated with the locals by being a champion on the football table. Me and my new buddy team mate were taking the place by storm, challenging all who dared to take us on, eventually we were beaten dramatically by the one man team of the barman. Despite this, my heart was yet again warmed by the universal bonding qualities of football, transcending both language and culture! It never fails.